I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
