grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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