I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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