She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
