Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
