did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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