he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
