o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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