you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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