today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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