i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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