I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
