Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish i was in the wii world.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
