i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
