WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
