You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
