butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
