This girl is more easily done than said...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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