you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
