i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
