ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
