and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
