You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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