maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
