I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
