I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
