I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
