Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.