I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire