Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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