Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?