I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night