I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.