If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.