yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.