That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
