In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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