I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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