hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
