Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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