Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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