He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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