Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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