Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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