Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
