You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
