shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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