I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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