i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
