Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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