Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
