you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
