literally had 100 drinks last night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize