Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Pants are for mortals
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
