YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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