its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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