dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
