Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
