Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
