Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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