So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
