the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
