Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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