I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
