literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
