i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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