Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
