A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
