The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
