I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
