my room smells like sperm. sweet.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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