Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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