Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
