It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
