Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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