if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
